My Goodies, My Goodies, My Goodies Not my goodies!

Listen Ladies, we need to talk.  I think you're going to want to sit down for this... No literally sit.  I want to talk with you about the Fanny Floss Faux Pa that has seem to crop up more and more lately.  Let's just two things straight first.  1) Thongs are not actual underwear (and not nearly as cute as boy shorts) and 2) LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS.  So what does this mean? It means that it is NEVER OK to wear a thong under a dress, especially when walking up stairs and contrary to popular belief ladies leggings are not the answer to everything.  Every fabric, when stretched far enough becomes shear at some point.  So, if you've got some junk in the trunk it's probably not the best idea to let those goodies hang out with the fanny floss.  Honestly, I don't understand the purpose of thongs, they are a neglige NOT an undergarment.  I get the whole idea of making the dreaded panty line vanish, but couldn't we have come up with something a little more practical? A Piece of string that holds nothing but a small piece of cloth over your lady parts? Really? That's it?  What about your other naughty bits? Like your ass cheeks. Could we not find a suitable undergarment that would create a smooth line without letting your cheeks trip the light fantastic around behind you.  I am ashamed Fashion Industry. Ashamed.

As for leggings ladies, if you put a veil over someone's face you can still see the general shape of that face.  Butt cheeks don't (hopefully) have lots of ravines, bumps, and curves you will find in a face but rather a smooth rounded surface.  So seeing overall shape is not difficult, because they are two of the same shape side by side!  Also ladies, be honest about your caboose size, if you've got two Boohbahs fighting around back there THONGS SHOULD NOT BE AN OPTION.  EVER.

So please, spare us.... No one wants your ham hocks staring them in the face.  Have you ever tried to finish a meal after being face to face with Mt. Gluteus? Ya, no thanks.  Spare us the lady humps and keep goodies in the candy shoppe.  That's all.