My Goodies, My Goodies, My Goodies Not my goodies!

Listen Ladies, we need to talk.  I think you're going to want to sit down for this... No literally sit.  I want to talk with you about the Fanny Floss Faux Pa that has seem to crop up more and more lately.  Let's just two things straight first.  1) Thongs are not actual underwear (and not nearly as cute as boy shorts) and 2) LEGGINGS ARE NOT PANTS.  So what does this mean? It means that it is NEVER OK to wear a thong under a dress, especially when walking up stairs and contrary to popular belief ladies leggings are not the answer to everything.  Every fabric, when stretched far enough becomes shear at some point.  So, if you've got some junk in the trunk it's probably not the best idea to let those goodies hang out with the fanny floss.  Honestly, I don't understand the purpose of thongs, they are a neglige NOT an undergarment.  I get the whole idea of making the dreaded panty line vanish, but couldn't we have come up with something a little more practical? A Piece of string that holds nothing but a small piece of cloth over your lady parts? Really? That's it?  What about your other naughty bits? Like your ass cheeks. Could we not find a suitable undergarment that would create a smooth line without letting your cheeks trip the light fantastic around behind you.  I am ashamed Fashion Industry. Ashamed.

As for leggings ladies, if you put a veil over someone's face you can still see the general shape of that face.  Butt cheeks don't (hopefully) have lots of ravines, bumps, and curves you will find in a face but rather a smooth rounded surface.  So seeing overall shape is not difficult, because they are two of the same shape side by side!  Also ladies, be honest about your caboose size, if you've got two Boohbahs fighting around back there THONGS SHOULD NOT BE AN OPTION.  EVER.

So please, spare us.... No one wants your ham hocks staring them in the face.  Have you ever tried to finish a meal after being face to face with Mt. Gluteus? Ya, no thanks.  Spare us the lady humps and keep goodies in the candy shoppe.  That's all.

They're Here....

Ok so I've recently come to a new conclusion. Have you ever discovered that the second you need something it isn't there? And I mean, LITERALLY is not in the spot where it has been the last thousand times you've seen it? Well, that's my life.  And friends have suggested that the culprit might be the ghost that lives in our house and I said" Naw... I don't think so, A) The paranormal and I have a very pleasant relationship and B) This started happening to me a long time before I moved into this house" And then I had an epiphany, "Wait...I figured it out, it all makes sense now... there's a poltergeist living in my tote bag."  Now before you write me off think about it. It makes sense, things move to places you SWEAR you have not been.  Where things end up just doesn't make sense.  This phenomenon seems to follow me wherever I go and what else follows me every I go? My tote bag.  So I'm currently in the market for two things to test this theory: 1) A little girl to stare at my tote and tell me if there's anything in there and 2) If there is, a frumpy midget woman with coke bottle glasses to rid me of the phantom and assure me "This bag is cleeya" So if anyone knows where I can find a psychic four year old and a midget medium in a denim skirt LET ME KNOW.  I keep my life in that bag and I need my life to not stack chairs in creepy cheerleading-style pyramids and I really don't have time to spend worrying that I'm going to get sucked into a TV.
Well there it is, my first random musing and I think I'll keep it up, just like I'm going to keep trying to rid my life of the Tote Bag Poltergeist.

The start to an interesting adventure

So, I've finally jumped on the blogging craze... Well, not so much jumped on but rather hitched a ride in order to evade Twitter, which I have sworn I will never partake in. So, here it goes! This first post will really be just a kind of expository one for me.  I love to live, I LOVE to people watch, and I LOVE to muse about what I find.  So get ready because here they come!